Sarah's Musings on the Self-Care Movement ©

By definition

The concept of self-care is a new one, but a tried and true one.

1. Self: “a person’s essential being that distinguishes them from others, especially considered as the object of introspection or reflexive action. (From Oxford)

2. Care: “the provision of what is necessary for the health, welfare, maintenance, and protection of someone or something.”

“Serious attention or consideration applied to do something correctly or to avoid damage or risk.”

And together:

“The practice of taking action to preserve or improve one’s own health; the practice of taking an active role in protecting one’s own well-being and happiness, in particular during periods of stress.”

Being “busy”

Like anything that has gained in popularity and has a buzzword status and wanes, it collects with it: ideas, concepts, bad behaviours, and ridicule. The concept of self-care remains nonetheless vital to a growing dissatisfaction with another one of our first world boast words: busy-ness.

Busy: Another concept that once heralded a life of fullness, being in demand and popular, of being needed by others and society at large. Now, busy is an albatross to bear, it is rare to find a person who is not immersed in various stages of it ranging from mild to crippling. It’s a casual excuse texted to acquaintances and I’ve definitely used it to dodge outings deemed not a priority. Too busy in life then feels like a sacrifice of our own flow of desires. The other streams of demands we capitulate to, steal our pleasure from us.

This modern-day, convenience-laced world most of us first worlders live in, has produced this too busy side-effect at great detriment to our bodies and spirits. It is no secret that anxiety, depression, addiction, and isolation are ever-present and ever-increasing across the board. 22% of surveyed Canadians reported that they had been diagnosed with depression, with another 20% saying they had received an anxiety disorder diagnosis, 1 in 5 people in Canada will experience a mental health problem or illness in any given year. By age 40, about 50% of the population will have or have had a mental illness.*

Like with any illness, we need a remedy. Medication has its place but only after wellness options have been exhausted. We may discover that a regime that is entirely personal can be curated that provides daily relief to the demands on our senses and on our time.

In my opinion, self-care will save many of us from this ever-rising bell curve of situational anxiety/depression, feeling overwhelmed with modern life and the leaching of our precious and yet “up for sale, bargaining or trade” minutes, hours, and days. There is an anonymous quote that states: “If you don’t have time to meditate for an hour every day, you should meditate for two hours.” Ha!

Self-indulgent?

The damaging undercurrent to this concept becoming trendy is that self-care has been spun by some as indulgent, privileged, or shallow. Often teamed up with another “oh-so-now” judgment: Entitled. It may be lamented that it is incredibly indulgent to spend time on pleasing or nourishing oneself with 2+ jobs, mouths to feed, and all the responsibilities we are laden with. There’s bills, taxes, dishes-a-never-ending, chores, pets, bosses, partners, and the list goes on and on ad nauseam. So the cycle churns and the rise of unhappiness, distress, purposelessness, and fatigue grow ever more powerful as new lords to stay enslaved to. Punitive lords, ruthless lords, savage lords. Like an invisible toxic gas cloud that floats over us, we are being poisoned in the name of our duties and our selflessness.

Commitment

So I propose that we get curious and question what duty really means? Also, discipline? And, responsibility? One only needs to talk to almost anyone that has decided to start at a gym or go on a new diet (explicitly with the goal of weight loss in mind) to see how incredibly out of balance, the mainstream mindset is.

As a fitness trainer and former manager at a studio franchise, I was approached daily by people who are nervous and eager to start a program. Nine times out of ten, these individuals have the idea that weight loss should be punishing. Why else would their calories be restricted to the point of starvation, or would they endeavor to work out almost every day of the week without a break for their muscles to repair and recover? For the lactic acid (soreness) to subside before re-delving into their workouts? Left unchecked, this psychology of newcomers sees them succumb to injury, burn-out, and utter emotional deflation.

Moderation is not something we celebrate and embrace enough. Rapid results are paraded on reality tv shows as desirable and worse: awarded with prizes, money, and 15 minutes of fame. This philosophy has left a residue on the general public that weight loss, fitness, and changes in eating need to come from a place of self-flagellation. That it is our punishment for indulgence.

The very problem of “more” that landed many of these people in the predicament of extra weight on their frames is the thought process being used to escape it. More exercise must be better, right? More calorie restriction too? And that’s where we’re dead wrong.

Setting aside the argument that the mindset is inherently obsessive and opens people up to susceptibility to addiction, let’s play Devil’s advocate in the name of diligence and commitment: what people need to make lifestyle shifts requires ease. Easing into new patterns of habit has a higher chance of being adopted long term. And yet, the knee-jerk reaction of many newcomers or those returning after injury or illness is au contraire. It channels the willpower, grit, and pushing past your limits that our culture also promotes to become a successful entrepreneur. Thus, the pervasiveness of our attachment to dedication, duty, and all-or-nothing behaviors is pathological. And, failing many of us.

Counter-Culture

Self-care gets flack as being “something that snowflakes do”, but that’s just another argument to keep the status-quo ticking. If we want to begin to address that our busy way of life, spearheaded by an epidemic of growing mental health illnesses and disconnection to our humanity is not working for us, then a great place to start is to entertain that perhaps we need to try living life-less in servitude to those ideals (and to other people) and start to be experts at “refueling” ourselves.

First, I feel it’s important to identify if you are extroverted, introverted or ambivert (on a spectrum somewhere between the two.) That way, your self-care regime can be tailored to activities that need to be done solo (introverts) or with others (extroverts) or a bit of both (ambiverts)

Introvert Self-Care Ideas

• A virtual yoga class and guided meditation at home

• Read a good book curled up in a soft blanket with a quiet house

• A bubble bath by candlelight with melodic music playing

• Make a craft from Pinterest

• Write in your journal, poetry, or a short story

• Spend a cozy day watching favourite movies and eating nourishing, high vibe food

Extrovert Self-Care Ideas

• Have a Heart-to-Heart with a Good Friend

• Go to a concert or comedy show

• Attend a group exercise or yoga class

• Host a dinner party or games night with your favorite people

• Visit a second-hand store with your partner or friend and dress each other on a budget

• Go to a sacred place and meditate with the residents, wise ones or monks

Ambivert Self-Care Ideas

• A walk outside, in the forest, by the water, somewhere beautiful. Greeting everyone who you pass with a warm smile.

• Listen to a favorite podcast or try a new one while you’re on a long drive

• Go for a massage

• Visit a museum, or place you’ve never been solo

• Slow dance with your lover

For Everyone

• Cuddle with your pet

• Buy a new plant or build a garden

• Do a self-reading with Oracle or Tarot cards

• Buy a new plant or build a garden

• Make a new vision board

• See a therapist

• Write a gratitude list

The key is that you tailor your self-care practice very carefully. If you try an activity, it must elicit a few key points in order to qualify as self-care:

~It provided a state change emotionally even if it’s subtle, perhaps it’s from overwhelmed to calm but more often it will be something like unable to relax due to overthinking into a state of feeling some inner spaciousness

~You do it purely for yourself and no one else

~You feel healthier in either body, mind, or spirit (or all 3)

Let’s remove the stigma of selfishness from taking care of ourselves. To replenish our energy and our state of well-being is what is needed so greatly right now. This will take a major shift in the dominant mindset that currently values self-sacrificing, ignoring our own needs and desires, and pushing our limits to the point of break-down. We’ve tried that way for decades and the experiment has proven to fail us as we are more miserable than ever. Let’s embrace self-care, normalize it and celebrate others for prioritizing it. There is a saying in one Twelve-step program that counsels: “Try it for 90 days, if it doesn’t work for you, we’ll be happy to refund your misery and your old way of living.”

Written by & Copyright to Sarah Mayes

*According to the Canadian Mental Health Association website.